Have you ever seen a car stuck in the mud? It does not matter how much the wheels spin- if the tyres don’t get any traction then the car won’t move out of the hole. All of us can recall times in our life when we have felt stuck. We know something is not right but despite our best efforts, the situation or that familiar feeling just does not seem to shift. This is just the type of experience that brings people to counselling. Does this sound familiar or are you experiencing something similar? Would you be interested to learn that it is possible to un-stick? You can experience how you shift internally- it is possible, and this is how.
Recognize and Validate the experience you are having.
Its likely this is experience is difficult or distressing for you. There is no point in denying it and pretending its ok, when it’s not? This is recognizing. You identify the experience without distraction for what it is-this is something distressing or painful.
Identify the fact you don’t want the experience of ‘stuck-ness’ or what-ever the distressing experience is.
You probably want to avoid it. You want to push it away (angry) or run away from it (afraid). Simply, you resist the experience, or you want it to change. Again, there is nothing, absolutely nothing wrong with either of these two reactions. They are perfectly natural reactions to distress. The important thing is what happens next? It is what you do with fear and anger that is the important point here. There are a full array of knee jerk (automatic) reactions to these emotions-they try to fix the feeling but without meaning to, keep it stuck. You basically try and defend against it or avoid it.
Avoidance does not work.
Contact the feeling by validating it.
There is not a human alive who does not struggle with some experience. Would you be surprised that the experience of being in distress would be distressing- for everyone? I doubt you would. Afterall, It makes sense to find something painful-well-painful. Every human with a healthy nervous system would. Off course you find it difficult. This is affirming. Meeting fear and anger in this way-is helpful. After all what does it feel like to have your experience validated by someone? It feels a so much better than when someone says you should not be feeling that way and yet this is the very reason why we often get stuck in distress we invalidate ourselves. We don’t give ourselves permission to be in-distress.
Many have found that when they are able to give themselves permission or are guided by a helpful counsellor or coach their distress takes on a different taste. They can experience movement of difficult feelings.
Your feelings can be worked through.