- Take ownership of the locus of control. Take responsibility and be accountable for your actions.
When you are experiencing distress, It can often be the most natural thing in the world to look for something outside of yourself to pin the blame on. There might be some justification for this approach because there are external realities that do create adversity in life. However, the point here is pragmatically it gives you more power when you make a decision to locate the cause with-in yourself. That is; the cause of the problem and the solution.
- Don’t confuse taking responsibility to punitive self-hatred. The above step has absolutely nothing to do with placing a guilt trip on yourself or engaging in some kind of masochistic activity of self-punishment. It’s a simple recognition of your power to think and act and the natural consequences that flow from what you do with these two capacities.
- Understand that it not who you are that’s the real problem here but how you have come to represent the problem. The choices that people have are not limited by the world but because of the internal maps they use to navigate the world. If you can change the map your use. You can alter your experience.
- Don’t’ pick a fight with yourself or the ‘maps that you use’. Like it or loath it this is the present moment is at it is. Raging against how things are is understandable but is wasted effort. Clear apprehension, accurate assessment and timely action or in-action are more helpful. Start by getting curious about how you ‘represent’ or ‘think about’ the world and your-self. For example, your thought of an apple is not an apple. You can’t feed yourself on that thought. Its how you ‘represent’ an apple to your-self. When you think about your-self, the same thing is happening. Who you are is more than what you think about your-self. When you feel really certain about a thought you have a belief. Beliefs are internal structures or ‘maps’ that have profound consequences in the world and in your life. What if you really believed the thought that you were capable and can master a new useful skill? What if you believed you were useless? Do you think both of these beliefs might result in different actions?
- Change a belief. How? Decide to. Pick a positive belief about your-self. For example; ‘I am capable’ and sign up as a fan of that belief. You have changed your beliefs all the way through your life. I am sure you believed things as a child that you no longer believe now. There is an old saying. ‘Believe you can or you can’t and your right’